Long Journey Home

Well, my time in Tanzania has come to an end.  When my first placement ended last December I renegotiated with CUSO for only a years’ service.  Since then I have moved from leaving in mid-October to August for several reasons: Phase I of current project was finished; tenants gave notice for Sept 1; returning to work in Sept was more useful to EDP than middle of October.    Having been through re-entry culture shock before, I knew I had to give myself at least a month to resume my Canadian life. 

The ending was pleasant and touching.  It started a week or so ahead when the other volunteers at Sega took me out for lunch.  I was then acknowledged and thanked by the staff at Sega after work one day, including sharing ‘bites’ (snacks) and requests for email exchange etc..  The girls at the school sang to me and one class in particular did an individual thank you (those are the girls who are graduating this November and so my work was particularly helpful for them).  On my final evening in Morogoro, Polly (director of Sega) had me over for dinner ‘en famillie’ with John and young Martha.  That brought me full circle as I shared a family Easter Dinner with them upon my arrival in the spring.

Upon arriving in Dar I had the opportunity to say ‘fare-thee-well’ to several of the volunteers I’d come to know along the way including the British couple from Kabaya and Nilusha from Zanzibar.  I felt the sadness of leaving a good friend, Michelle, whom I met in Ottawa where we were room-mates.  Since then we’ve spent a lot of time together and had regular communication so we’ve become close friends.  What was supposed to be my last evening in Dar was perfect when I was hosted by Neema, Tumiani and their two babes.  Lesley from the UK joined us and it was a lovely evening with a great home cooked meal and exchanging sentiments and gifts. 

 

I said ‘supposed to be my last evening’ as my departure was delayed by a day when they over-sold my flight.  I hung out in the luxury of the Holiday Inn and used it as ‘transition time’ including eating a Canadian breakfast (French toast with maple syrup and back bacon) and treated myself to a massage.  But mostly I used the time to further reflect on my time as a volunteer in International Development in Tanzania and to notice the in-between-time which occurs when one moves from one great adventure/experience (travel, ceremony, birth, death etc) to the next page of our life’s story.  I find it to be one of those times when I have to consciously remain aware of the moment, resisting re-living the past or imaging the future.

I may have mentioned before that I read somewhere that people who do this kind of work are commonly ‘Misfits, Missionaries or Malcontents’.  I believe I fall into all 3 of those categories.  As for the first, I have never quite fit the ‘average’ of a Canadian middle-class lifestyle (and in some strange way I really like being different).  I have always loved to travel and first recall my budding interest in cultural anthropology as a  17 year old visiting Montserrat.  I can also see how I fit the Missionary description before signing up for CUSO.   This was not a religious zeal, but in terms of my belief system concerning fairness and opportunity for all.  I also wanted to ‘pay-forward’  my privileged life by offering my ‘gifts and skills’ to help the lot of others.  However, my views have changed since being in Tanzania and having experienced the international development ‘industry’ first hand.  In brief, I see how I was naive and presumptuous in spite of all the homework, reading and reflecting I had in preparation.   I had a philosophy based on ‘teach a man to fish’ but now it’s shifted to ‘teach a person to fish when then ask very clearly and specifically for that education’.  As for the final descriptor of Malcontent, I have always had a critically analytical view of our society coupled with a ‘wonder-lust’ thriving on Spiritual quest, change and adventure.  If that makes me a malcontented person, then so be-it.

My cousin Barb asked me what and who I was going to miss the most as I left Tanzania.  I know this awareness will unfold over time and to be honest, my first thoughts were of what I missed from home and was looking forward to seeing/doing/being.  As for what Tanzania had to offer, I will miss certain people and the geography.   Both of these have marked me deeply.  Initially I felt like I was being stripped of all my defenses, comforts (internal and external) and especially my longstanding sense of safety in the world.  My sense of belonging was also challenged.  Perhaps it was the anti-malarial medication as my experience completely changed once I stopped it (after the withdrawal effects of crying daily 3 weeks, of that is).   However the welcoming from Neema and Dr. Mwampambe overtly opposed my fears.  Over the year I became aware of a rebuilding taking place until one day I was struck by the feeling of my feet on the ground and feeling embodied again.   How have I changed?  That remains to be seen.

After all my travelling and experiences in other countries and cultures, I found East Africa to be the most dramatically different.  Perhaps it was the rawness and tribal acculturation.  I kept looking for the common ground from where to relate to the customs and behaviours.  If familiar ways did exist, they had been layered on top of the people’s true way of being, like a thin opaque sugar glaze on a rich chocolate cake.  These affectations held little substance, although at times they softened the experience for me, and wore off quickly with the passing of time.

 One example might be the experience of time.  Someone told me that ‘Mzungus’ have watches and the Africans have time.  You can imagine how many opportunities there might have been for me to come up against this varying perception of time.  Meetings might be scheduled, and I would feel like we were getting the ‘work’ done, a sweet topping coating my experience.  But at the appointed time or day of the meeting, it would not unfold as I had imagined.  Sometimes it turned into weeks before we met and the actual exchange of ideas unfolded.  There are many lessons I have brought back.  I re-learned some time honoured dictums: the value of simple physical hard work...like that done by Kulwa, the girl who cleaned my house and washed my clothes by hand, weekly in the Fall when I lived with Fran, and also when I lived at the school; many hands make light work; and mothers and kitchens are where the heart is.

I found challenges around time, lack of personal space (physical and auditory), hygiene in public places, and lack of variety in nutrition, power outages, water limitations, insect born illnesses, foreign bacteria attacking my vulnerable immune system, months of cold bucket baths with salty water, unreliable communication systems .  One gets used to certain things in life, but it doesn’t mean we like it.  Will I miss all that?  No, but would I have missed this experience? No, not on your (my) life. 

So what will I miss?  The long walks through the chambas (garden plots), the red dusty earth, the big sky above, the colourful birds and their unique songs, the friendly ‘shikamoo’ from the locals, the sound of four part harmony wafting from the churches on Sundays, the Sega girls laughter and singing, and the bright colours of the traditional dress (only worn by the women these days and even that is fading out with the advent of flee-markets touting western leftovers for pennies).  I will miss the simple cellular texts I received from so many people (like Geoffrey, Alex, Oscar, Michael, Elena, Naomi and Paulina to name but a few) when I was ill with Malaria, Pneumonia and then Amoebic dysentery (x3 before the proper diagnosis and treatment)... all wishing me blessings and a quick recovery.  Although I was out of sight, sometimes in Dar seeking medical attention or travelling for work, I was never forgotten by my friends and colleagues.   I guess I will miss the feeling of being an important part of a community/family which grew during my time at the girl’s school.

 

 

As for my own community and family in Canada, I am spending most of the month of August visiting those important beings.  Please know that if I haven’t visited or seen you yet, you are still important and I am very much looking forward to our connection in the near future.  Gratitude to all of you who supported me via donations to CUSO, emails, letters, playing online Scrabble or simply thinking of me at times.  The last and most important thing I learned was that I am cared for and connected very deeply to a bunch of unique people all around the world.