Long Journey Home
Well, my time in Tanzania has come to an end. When my first placement ended last December I
renegotiated with CUSO for only a years’ service. Since then I have moved from leaving in
mid-October to August for several reasons: Phase I of current project was
finished; tenants gave notice for Sept 1; returning to work in Sept was more
useful to EDP than middle of October. Having
been through re-entry culture shock before, I knew I had to give myself at
least a month to resume my Canadian life.
The ending was pleasant and touching. It started a week or so ahead when the other
volunteers at Sega took me out for lunch. I was then acknowledged and thanked by the
staff at Sega after work one day, including sharing ‘bites’ (snacks) and requests
for email exchange etc.. The girls at
the school sang to me and one class in particular did an individual thank you
(those are the girls who are graduating this November and so my work was
particularly helpful for them). On my
final evening in Morogoro, Polly (director of Sega) had me over for dinner ‘en
famillie’ with John and young Martha.
That brought me full circle as I shared a family Easter Dinner with them
upon my arrival in the spring.
Upon arriving in Dar I had the opportunity to say ‘fare-thee-well’
to several of the volunteers I’d come to know along the way including the British
couple from Kabaya and Nilusha from Zanzibar.
I felt the sadness of leaving a good friend, Michelle, whom I met in
Ottawa where we were room-mates. Since
then we’ve spent a lot of time together and had regular communication so we’ve
become close friends. What was supposed
to be my last evening in Dar was perfect when I was hosted by Neema, Tumiani
and their two babes. Lesley from the UK
joined us and it was a lovely evening with a great home cooked meal and exchanging
sentiments and gifts.
I said ‘supposed to be my last evening’ as my departure was
delayed by a day when they over-sold my flight.
I hung out in the luxury of the Holiday Inn and used it as ‘transition
time’ including eating a Canadian breakfast (French toast with maple syrup and
back bacon) and treated myself to a massage.
But mostly I used the time to further reflect on my time as a volunteer
in International Development in Tanzania and to notice the in-between-time
which occurs when one moves from one great adventure/experience (travel,
ceremony, birth, death etc) to the next page of our life’s story. I find it to be one of those times when I
have to consciously remain aware of the moment, resisting re-living the past or
imaging the future.
I may have mentioned before that I read somewhere that
people who do this kind of work are commonly ‘Misfits, Missionaries or Malcontents’. I believe I fall into all 3 of those
categories. As for the first, I have never
quite fit the ‘average’ of a Canadian middle-class lifestyle (and in some
strange way I really like being different).
I have always loved to travel and first recall my budding interest in
cultural anthropology as a 17 year old visiting
Montserrat. I can also see how I fit the
Missionary description before
signing up for CUSO. This was not a religious zeal, but in terms of
my belief system concerning fairness and opportunity for all. I also wanted to ‘pay-forward’ my privileged life by offering my ‘gifts and
skills’ to help the lot of others.
However, my views have changed since being in Tanzania and having
experienced the international development ‘industry’ first hand. In brief, I see how I was naive and presumptuous
in spite of all the homework, reading and reflecting I had in preparation. I had
a philosophy based on ‘teach a man to fish’ but now it’s shifted to ‘teach a person
to fish when then ask very clearly and specifically for that education’. As for the final descriptor of Malcontent, I have always had a
critically analytical view of our society coupled with a ‘wonder-lust’ thriving
on Spiritual quest, change and adventure. If that makes me a malcontented person, then
so be-it.
My cousin Barb asked me what and who I was going to miss the
most as I left Tanzania. I know this
awareness will unfold over time and to be honest, my first thoughts were of
what I missed from home and was looking forward to seeing/doing/being. As for what Tanzania had to offer, I will
miss certain people and the geography.
Both of these have marked me deeply.
Initially I felt like I was being stripped of all my defenses, comforts
(internal and external) and especially my longstanding sense of safety in the
world. My sense of belonging was also
challenged. Perhaps it was the
anti-malarial medication as my experience completely changed once I stopped it
(after the withdrawal effects of crying daily 3 weeks, of that is). However the welcoming from Neema and Dr.
Mwampambe overtly opposed my fears. Over
the year I became aware of a rebuilding taking place until one day I was struck
by the feeling of my feet on the ground and feeling embodied again. How have I changed? That remains to be seen.
After all my travelling and experiences in other countries
and cultures, I found East Africa to be the most dramatically different. Perhaps it was the rawness and tribal
acculturation. I kept looking for the
common ground from where to relate to the customs and behaviours. If familiar ways did exist, they had been
layered on top of the people’s true way of being, like a thin opaque sugar
glaze on a rich chocolate cake. These
affectations held little substance, although at times they softened the
experience for me, and wore off quickly with the passing of time.
One example might be
the experience of time. Someone told me
that ‘Mzungus’ have watches and the Africans have time. You can imagine how many opportunities there
might have been for me to come up against this varying perception of time. Meetings might be scheduled, and I would feel
like we were getting the ‘work’ done, a sweet topping coating my experience. But at the appointed time or day of the
meeting, it would not unfold as I had imagined.
Sometimes it turned into weeks before we met and the actual exchange of
ideas unfolded. There are many lessons I
have brought back. I re-learned some
time honoured dictums: the value of simple physical hard work...like that done
by Kulwa, the girl who cleaned my house and washed my clothes by hand, weekly in
the Fall when I lived with Fran, and also when I lived at the school; many
hands make light work; and mothers and kitchens are where the heart is.
I found challenges around time, lack of personal space
(physical and auditory), hygiene in public places, and lack of variety in
nutrition, power outages, water limitations, insect born illnesses, foreign
bacteria attacking my vulnerable immune system, months of cold bucket baths
with salty water, unreliable communication systems . One gets used to certain things in life, but
it doesn’t mean we like it. Will I miss all
that? No, but would I have missed this
experience? No, not on your (my) life.
So what will I miss?
The long walks through the chambas (garden plots), the red dusty earth,
the big sky above, the colourful birds and their unique songs, the friendly
‘shikamoo’ from the locals, the sound of four part harmony wafting from the
churches on Sundays, the Sega girls laughter and singing, and the bright
colours of the traditional dress (only worn by the women these days and even that
is fading out with the advent of flee-markets touting western leftovers for
pennies). I will miss the simple cellular
texts I received from so many people (like Geoffrey, Alex, Oscar, Michael, Elena, Naomi and Paulina to name but a few) when I was ill with Malaria, Pneumonia and
then Amoebic dysentery (x3 before the proper diagnosis and treatment)... all wishing me blessings and a quick recovery. Although I was out of sight, sometimes in Dar
seeking medical attention or travelling for work, I was never forgotten by my friends and
colleagues. I guess I will miss the feeling of being an
important part of a community/family which grew during my time at the girl’s
school.
As for my own community and family in Canada, I am spending
most of the month of August visiting those important beings. Please know that if I haven’t visited or seen
you yet, you are still important and I am very much looking forward to our connection
in the near future. Gratitude to all of
you who supported me via donations to CUSO, emails, letters, playing online
Scrabble or simply thinking of me at times.
The last and most important thing I learned was that I am cared for and
connected very deeply to a bunch of unique people all around the world.